It is the middle of the night, 3.5 months after a craniotomy to remove a malignant brain tumor. I should be sleeping. But I can’t. For a lot of reasons…most of which I don’t think anyone would think of.
No, I am not afraid I am about to die. That isn’t an option and it is not my prognosis thankfully.
But I have just been told a friend has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and I just cannot believe how many people I know, sadly, that have had brain tumors…a handful that have survived, and sadly a few that have not.
So I am thinking of my friend about to undergo surgery, with the same fabulous doctor that I used. I am lucky. I live in Seattle. It is one of the best cities in the world to live in should you run into trouble health wise.
I realize that despite I am still “in treatment”, right now I am wearing the worried friend hat…that so many people whom I love and love me back, have been wearing in my name for months now.
Am I crazy to say it is easier to be the patient than the friend or family member?
Call me crazy…but I think it just may very well be the truth. Or perhaps I only feel this way because I am one of the extremely lucky ones.
I don’t believe I am fighting for my life. I haven’t been give a 1-2 year or 3-5 year window. Yes, I have been told my life expectancy has absolutely been shortened…this makes me so sad…but that is not what this entry is about.
It is about how and why I decided to finally write a blog about something so deeply personal.
1 – Because being the “friend” to someone facing a new diagnosis is absolutely brutal. Having lost someone I loved and was such an important part of my life, is brutal. Like everyone else, I imagine, we all start googling away, and then ask a million questions about prognosis, who are the best doctors, what are the new treatments. At this point, NOT because of my cancer, but because of a tumor my friend has just been diagnosed with…I think I am about two weeks away from earning my medical degree and am now a fully certified Neurosurgeon!
2 – Because now that I have finished the first part of my treatment – 6 weeks (5days/week) of Proton Radiation with concurrent chemotherapy (42 days straight), I am for the first time getting bummed out by well intended people. People I love, adore, trust…would ‘get hit by a truck for them’ type of people. And its because when people don’t know what to say….instead of saying nothing – they force themselves to say something. Something positive. Something hopeful. Usually, it is also something that actually isn’t true. Just a quick example – being bald in the center of your head IS a big deal “who cares..its just hair” or “oh you are beautiful no matter what”…is only something a person with a full head of hair would say. More on that later. But these two reasons serve as my catalyst to finally writing a blog…just wanted you to know how I came to do this and why.
Why Not Me 