When I called Maureen and told her, I have to say, she was pretty inarticulate. That is saying a lot. She is a trained litigator, she is a judge, she speaks at conferences…she is super articulate. She also is tough as nails. However, when I told her, I just can’t describe it. She was in shock (understandably), kept repeating herself (never happens except when she is shocked or nervous), and then she started to cry. Not bawling…she doesn’t do that. But to be able to hear her tears over the phone, and the crack in her voice…well, I started to bawl my eyes out.
See…she is not the emoter…I got that gene in spades, and clearly the cancer genes as well.
This news about her younger and only sister, has broken her. And now I am so sad…because it only reinforces that which we already know, but I am not ready to deal with yet, that this is a big deal.
My sister is my best friend, and the woman I have looked up to my entire life. I have always wanted and needed her approval. And now she is crying because I have just told her the worst news ever. And for a moment, I broke her heart.
Now she has to break the news to her husband, who is my fourth brother. And I don’t say this just because he is my brother in law. Craig has been in my family since they are both in high school. They’ve dated since they were 15 years old. I was 12 when I met Craig. He is basically my brother – not brother in law, and I love him as my brother.
Will made two calls without me as he drove in his car back to our house. First, his brother Sam. Then to his “brother from another mother” Aaron.
When we got home he said Sam and Sylvia were on their way over. And then he told me he called Aaron. I said “oh geez…how did that go (as his wife Hilary is one of my dearest friends – and first friend actually in Seattle). We lived directly across the street from them when we moved here from NYC.
Hilary is this young, bouncy, bright, amazing, beautiful, kind, warm woman, and a sensational over the top mom…and the morning after our moving trucks left, there was a basket at our front door, at 6:30am, with freshly baked, just out of the oven, still warm Banana Nut Muffins-with a note welcoming us to Seattle.
Having just moved from New York City I exclaimed to my husband, as he wolfed one down in a nanno second< “don’t eat that…how do you know it is safe?”
And she still likes me to this day. Now THAT is a friend!
So about his talk with Aaron, he responded “oh I got his voicemail so left him a message about our news”.
WHO DOES THAT?
SERIOUSLY?
Sam and Syl were at our houses moments later. It is a real luxury when one of your closest friends since college is your sister in law. They walked in and we all sort of just hugged and cried…and then sat and we told them what we had heard and been told. It was now official –no turning back,we had told our first family members in person.
Now to tell the rest of the family. We still have one sister and four brothers to call…and then their are our close friends…and oh yes, our children.
Will’s family lives in Seattle but it is my family who has the sister with cancer. Who do you call first? How do you start? How do you tell someone. It is quickly going from so surreal you are actually calm and don’t think its a big deal…to becoming very real when you see the face of the person you love being told the news, or you hear their voice change over the phone, the crack in the voice and then, in several cases the sheer sound of someone crying uncontrollably.
And it’s all because of you. There is such a profound sadness (and guilt and embarrassment that I felt) imparting sadness on people I love. We hadn’t even been able to contemplate telling friends -which was going to be a huge undertaking…so we start making the other calls to family and see how it goes.
And Janet needed to be told in person. This is my mother in law. The formidable, unbelievably vivacious, energizer bunny at an age I still shan’t disclose. Like me, my mother in law enjoys talking. There were no words. Stunned. Frozen. That is how I would describe the scene when we told her. I felt like I was shrinking, literally, smaller and smaller. The fear on her face said everything. It said I love you, it said I am worried for you and I am sure (although I’ve never asked her) it brought back the day she heard the news her husband had been killed leaving her with four young children to raise on her own. I mean she has LIVED through every woman’s greatest nightmare and has endured the most unthinkable horrible thing that could happen to a young mother with four kids. And I know the memories came rushing back in just a nano second…out of fear for her son of course, because she loves him so dearly…and for me, and for our kids because she loves us too.
Our kids are not home from school yet ( I pick them up), so I know its just shy of 3pm. I need a drink. Nana always said it is 5 o’clock somewhere.
Why Not Me 